Conveniences, automation, safety plans, etc. Everyone loves winging it and having piles of chores, but then they complain about life being hard, but then they don’t change anything
I am going to come across like a condescending dick here, but real talk: Does Amazon have an EAP for access to counseling or therapy? If so, and you’re not leveraging it already, I think you would benefit from doing so.
I agree with some of the sentiment you present in this thread, if not all aspects/means (the points about simplifying aspects of your life in general are well taken), but if you’re not trolling even a little bit it sounds like you’re suffering a lot.
Dang, this post needs a Fediverse equivalent to raisedbynarcissists.
You were raised by mindless people who constantly misused their time and money in ways that directly affected your daily life. Their anti-logical ways left you constantly neglected in some ways, despite the fact that they had the means to cover all your basic needs. This neglect was obvious to anyone who saw you day to day, but they blamed you because your family controlled many decisions that are normally left up to the kids.
That being said, you’re not asking about “everyone” as your title says, you’re asking about your family. Also, their words are complaining, but what they are doing is actually bragging. There is a high cultural value on being busy, and they’ve found ways to be VERY busy by having a literally insane way of life, with exhausting routines that are built around excess and waste.
Still, this is not a question for a broader audience, but a rant about one stubbornly insane family.
And the answer is, because they are more proud of their exhausting, difficult lives than you are proud of your planned, easy life.
edited to clarify and expand
I’m not entirely clear if this is a rhetorical question and you wanted to vent for a bit, or if you’re genuinely looking for an answer?
If it’s to vent, then I kinda understand. It sucks to see someone you love suffer. It sucks again when you think you found an answer and they tell you no. Each time you try again and get your answer rejected, the feeling gets worse and worse until you start blaming them for their own suffering. I’ve been on both sides of that.
They tell you to stay strong. That love and patience will change their minds eventually. On a level, it makes sense. If a problem has been persisting for decades, it’s kinda unfair to think you can solve it overnight. It’s likely the solution is also going to take years. But then you spend the time trying only to find more layers to the problem.
If you’re looking for some kind of answer, then the best I can offer is it’s Trauma. We all go through our own traumatic experiences. Events so bad it takes away a piece of us and leaves us scarred. Those scars change how we each approach or avoid situations. Not many people want to relive their traumatic experiences, even if it would lead to better lives.
Sorry if it’s not the answer you’re looking for.All of you writing cogent arguments and being philosophical should step back and realize this whole thread is an unpaid advertisement for amazon subscription groceries written by someone who thinks they were saved by a job there.
I’m glad this is the top comment because lordy have mercy, what is OP on about.
I don’t think i was saved. I was saved.
And it’s not only about subscribe & save, but other solutions. I just feel super alone like everyone wants to have hours of chores instead of making them easier. There are solutions that cost nothing, like having an easy routine or combining a chore with something you do every day. Like, just taking out the trash earlier in the day costs nothing. But family insists on keeping themselves awake waiting until 11:59:59PM to take out the trash which takes hours because one person keeps over-overbuying produce and never using it all. Like, buy less of it, and take out the trash earlier. That SAVES money for fucks sake
I just feel super alone like everyone wants to have hours of chores instead of making them easier.
Why do you care about how other people choose to spend doing their chores? You seem angry for things that don’t affect you. Focus on your own life.
They agree with that family’s mother.
Oh.
OP, someone with a different routine for chores is not “vehemently against an easier life” lmao.
They’d still manually go shopping instead of ordering online for literally the same price or a literally trivial higher amount. Like imagine going in person to buy toilet paper for one and a half dollars cheaper than buying online. Like bro you spent more than 1.5 USD in GAS or public transit going there bruh!
I normalized my crazy mother. Seems like everyone isn’t my crazy mother which is a good thing. I don’t wish my childhood on anyone. Imagine having the resources to live a better life and have more experiences, and NEVER getting them, and you’re not allowed to complain. Imagine being the stinky kid, and being unable to NOT be the stinky kid. You know why you’re stinky, but calling out your mother makes you spoiled and entitled.
I feel like you’re dealing with some problems and blaming them on different things. Being stinky as a child and your mother not allowing you to wash yourself is something totally unrelated to going to the grocery store versus using a delivery service.
Idk, it seems like you’re really upset. Tone doesn’t come across well on the Internet and I can tell this thread has you defensive already, so let me be clear when I say that me saying you’re upset isn’t me trying to somehow dismiss things you’re saying because you’re emotional. I know that sometimes when I get very upset and emotional, I have a tendency to see things as connected when they’re not. Even when I know I’m being overly paranoid I can’t help it. It appears as if you’re very upset about the way your mother has treated you and you’re expressing frustration about it. None of us can know what you’ve been through. It sounds like you’re trying to express a lifetime of anger in a few comments. It’s just not going to come across clearly.
When you say “how can people not want to improve their lives” with the context of what you’vw just said, it sounds more like you’re lamenting that your parents didn’t let you properly bathe yourself. But without this context, it just sounds like you’re just being angry at people for frivolous things like choosing to go to the store instead of using a delivery service. (And there are plenty of reasons to want to actually go in person.) It sounds as if you have gotten into a million arguments with your mother during your childhood about these sorts of things. Now, I’m really only guessing here, but it sounds like you’re seeing it all as connected. You’re seeing the abuse (?) your mother put you through by not letting you bathe as “someone refusing to improve their life” and perhaps equating it to arguments you’ve had with your mother about using delivery services so save money. But your mother not allowing you to bathe/not providing you with what you needed to bathe as a child isn’t your mother “refusing to improve her/your life”, it’s neglect.
Because it sounds like you’re processing some issues, I don’t think an Ask Lemmy thread is the right place to do it. Because when you accuse folks of going to the grocery store instead of using deliveries or criticize their methods of doing laundry/taking out garbage, it just sounds like you’re being an asshole.
I hope you find your peace.
I feel like OP is high during the whole process of making this post and replying to comments. This shit is funny af
No, just remembering horrible experiences. I hate that family and that family’s mother more.
I am not making fun of you nor judging the way you want to live, i just don’t agree with it, that’s all. Keep living as you wish, but just so you know the way you present this to people is flawed in some ways.
I opened the thread thinking, “this has to be a bait post where the op just soapboxes about how much better at life they are than everyone else, and argues with literally everyone offering perspective” and I’m glad to see I was not wrong! Boy if your replies aren’t some of the least self aware, most elitist stuff I’ve seen here so far.
I dunno man, why doesn’t everyone with actual problems just ahh, buy an Android phone, learn how to program or do whatever the hell else you think everyone should be doing to just simply live the obviously better life that you have?
Oh wait, not everyone has the same opportunities as everyone else, and so not only may these options be unavailable to a lot of people, they may also be completely useless in solving someone’s difficult life.
You sound like a Tech Bro in their early twenties who landed a sweet job out of college (that they didn’t pay for) and wonders why people choose to be homeless. And before you try to correct me, that’s what you sound like, so unless that’s the persona you wanna give off, maybe try to listen to what people are saying instead of trying to find out how they’re wrong.
Do you really think people with “difficult lives” are so stressed out because they forgot to take the garbage out multiple times? Seriously? Christ 😂
Good its not just me.
Thank god my smart phone can spell sanctimonious for me, its made my life so much easier.
Oooh, what a beautiful word! It’d fallen out of my vocab. Thanks for that.
I opened the thread thinking, “this has to be a bait post where the op just soapboxes about how much better at life they are than everyone else, and argues with literally everyone offering perspective” and I’m glad to see I was not wrong! Boy if your replies aren’t some of the least self aware, most elitist stuff I’ve seen here so far.
bruh what. I’m just traumatized, not elitist.
I dunno man, why doesn’t everyone with actual problems just ahh, buy an Android phone, learn how to program or do whatever the hell else you think everyone should be doing to just simply live the obviously better life that you have?
That’s ONE solution out of countless. I’m saying anyone can make a solution that works for themselves whether it’s tech based or not.
Oh wait, not everyone has the same opportunities as everyone else, and so not only may these options be unavailable to a lot of people, they may also be completely useless in solving someone’s difficult life.
Everyone has the opportunity to improve their lives. If you’re working and making money then you can make your life exactly the way you want it to be. It takes time and effort, yeah, but it’s not impossible.
You sound like a Tech Bro in their early twenties who landed a sweet job out of college (that they didn’t pay for) and wonders why people choose to be homeless. And before you try to correct me, that’s what you sound like, so unless that’s the persona you wanna give off, maybe try to listen to what people are saying instead of trying to find out how they’re wrong.
Nah I’m a 27 year old who was locked away for 20 years, and I’ve only got to live and experience life for 3 years. I landed a sweet job at ✨ Amazon ✨ I do love technology (well, technology that isn’t stupid) and I think “homeless” should mean primarily renting an apartment. Having zero shelter shouldn’t have a word, it shouldn’t be a thing.
Do you really think people with “difficult lives” are so stressed out because they forgot to take the garbage out multiple times? Seriously? Christ 😂
That was quite literally my family. Or, is. Is my family. Yet they refuse to just… Take out the trash earlier so they don’t need to remember right before they sleep like the countless months of consecutive weeks of forgetting. They complain about having no time for anything but refuse to order online instead of going to two Targets, two Costcos, Bj’s, Walmart, Stop & Shop, Walgreens, Aldi, Lidl, and five international stores in the same day for fifteen hours, back to back Saturday and Sunday, and having to wait until Monday night to sleep. You know, to buy the same things you could buy from Amazon or from those stores as a delivery order. There are other things they can do that they just don’t do, and blame me, the person wanting things to be easier, for ALL of the problems caused by them not wanting to change because God didn’t make lazy people. God STILL didn’t drop a tree on me or kill me with lightning like I demand every day. Stop trying to impress a concept.
Do you realize that every bit of your comment just validated everything the other person said?
Bro I’m fucking insane
You really are lmao…
Yeah, being spit on and manhandled by adults as a 7 year old kid every other day in “school” does that to you. You’re broke? But your shirt has a man on a horse! You’re rich and spoiled. How could you have ran out of soap months ago when you’re wearing a polo ralphy whatever shirt? Maybe get less Airopostale and buy soap, so easy!
Yeah, thing is, my mother would spend a couple of grands on stupid ugly brand clothes, while screaming at me to shut up about body wash and juice. It’s “why do you come to school smelling horrendous” AND “why do you think you deserve body wash when there are people who have nothing?”
Today I wear ZERO brands and I finally get to shower with soap, drink juice, and brush my teeth with toothpaste. Childhood is the worst part of life.
JuST oRdEr onLinE
You HAVE to realize that there are people who can’t even afford the groceries in the first place?! Not everyone is your mom wasting money on stuff they can’t afford! Some people don’t have it in the first place!
After this I’m convinced you’ve never seen a single actual difficult day in your life, sorry. To say that you’re “traumatized” by having too much food in the fridge and spending too much money on buying stuff is fucking hilarious, though.
I know that obviously. Those people aren’t doing that crazy shit. But they can make life easier with planned meals and an easy routine, why deliberately make your life harder?
And this just reminds me of how that fucking bitch took so much food from food banks and never used it ffs. Every Monday a church had an open pantry, that bitch forced everyone to go stand in line separately to get extra. I hated standing in lines so I’d spend every Monday at a library until 7pm and take the long way home for 2 hours. I never actually saw the pantry or what came from it, just the line.
I was abused and neglected as a kid. I had brand name clothes, but smelled bad and only ever ate top ramen and cup noodles. All of that wasted produce was that woman’s. DRINKS were never available. No juice, tea, etc. If I was thirsty I would pretend to shower or wash my hands and drink the bathroom water.
I was institutionalized for a disorder I never had. That woman lied to get me in the institution, and they made me stagnate and regress. I’ve only lived 3 years of my 27 year life. No one believed I was neglected because mommy is rich and I have clothes with old men’s names on them. They’d assume the 8 year old kid is at fault for having no lunch, no signed permission slips, bad BO, filthy hair, etc. Like I chose to be that way. How can I be suffering when my shirt says Abercrombie? Neglect from rich parents is horrendous.
I couldn’t buy my own body wash until I started doing paid surveys at 15 years old (lied my age on PayPal and the site) and dog sitting at 17 on wag & rover. Before that, I used to steal the trial sizes and stretch them as long as I could.
So I’m fighting CPTSD and trying to cut ties and move out. Praise Amazon.
A ton of automation and ‘convenience’ being sold is terribly thought out or makes life more complex than not having it.
Smart bulbs are way more work to set up than they are worth for me, a light switch works fine. Cruise control is nice, but lane assist drives me nuts with all the false positives. Generally the overwhelming number of chores comes from just having too many things in the first place.
Fewer, simpler operating things are more enjoyable for me than a lot of complex automated things that don’t do what I want them to do.
ton of automation and ‘convenience’ being sold is terribly thought out or makes life more complex than not having it.
People burning alive in Teslas because we don’t want those unsightly door handles comes to mind.
I also hate push buttons for things like starting the engine or shifting the gear mode. Please let me physically move something instead of pushing a button more than once so I don’t have to take my eyes away from my surroundings in a parking lot.
I had to get a rental car for work earlier this month. It took 10 minutes of YouTube to figure out how to turn the goddamn parking break off. So convenient.
InTuItIvE dEsIgN
I have smart switches, mostly because I’m a tinkerer and build and repair things for fun. I work in IT, so I don’t trust any of this. But the switches work like normal for people not used to it. While I also have a button that turns all the lights off in the whole house at once.
My main automations are basically timers. They turn lights on and off at sunrise/down. And one that turns on my backdoor lights when my garage door opens.
As for cars, I totally agree. Adaptive cruise control is the extent of the smart I want in a car. I’ve had too many false positives where the car will automatically apply the brakes when it didn’t need to. And not once where I was in danger of crashing. Once on a bend in the road where a car was parked on the side and another where an RV had pulled to the side on a turn out to let people pass and the car freaked out because it didn’t realize the road turned.
I’ve also had it nudge the wheel too often when I’m purposely hugging one side of the lane because there is construction or a car on the side of the road.
I think automation in general has been in an awkward stage for a while, maybe analogous to adolescence or puberty. At some point our immediate world will become truly automated, able to sense what we need or want and provide it with very minimal setup and instruction, like a cocoon of personal convenience. Right now it’s more like a 19th century vision of a house of the future with pulleys and wires everywhere - we haven’t gotten rid of the pulleys and wires, we’ve just moved them into apps.
At some point our immediate world will become truly automated, able to sense what we need or want and provide it with very minimal setup and instruction
This will never happen for me because every single instance of ‘user friendly’ I can think of is the opposite of what I want. Yeah, I don’t notice the things that work, but I notice a lot of counter intuitive automation that does the opposite of what I want it to do.
Not to mention that some days I want an app or process to function one way, but on other days I might want it to function the opposite way, depending on my needs. There is no mechanism for the app to guess which way I want it to function, if such a change is even possible without reconfiguring all the settings.
I have that my android phone ditched the ability to swipe up in three spots and replaced it with a single swipe up you have to hold to do what I could do with a quick swipe before. There is no reason they needed to remove a perfectly functional and simple option to add one. They kept the option to have three buttons at the bottom to take up acreen space, why not have three options?
A ton of automation and ‘convenience’ being sold is terribly thought out or makes life more complex than not having it.
Yeah, not EVERYTHING is an internet controlled dishwasher that locks up when updating so no one can hack it.
Smart bulbs are way more work to set up than they are worth for me, a light switch works fine.
Not everything is Philips Hue™®© overcomplicated overpriced nonsense with hubs and accounts and crap. Off brands are much easier. I love being able to just switch the light off from my phone without having to get up, and turn it on without needing to reach for a switch in the dark. Or better, have them turn on automatically at times I’d be needing them. Or have motion controlled lights that only turn on if motion is detected between sunset and sunrise times.
Cruise control is nice, but lane assist drives me nuts with all the false positives.
My electric scooter has that, and I don’t use it, seems too risky especially in an area where people without cars are hated more than literal terrorists.
Generally the overwhelming number of chores comes from just having too many things in the first place.
Not entirely wrong, but everyone manages to overcomplicate the simplest chores possible.
Fewer, simpler operating things are more enjoyable for me than a lot of complex automated things that don’t do what I want them to do.
The best automation solutions are the non-electric ones. It can be as simple as having an easy routine like only scooping cat litter whenever you use the toilet.
Your bottom line makes no sense. If you are scooping your cat litter it isn’t automation at all.
I think they’re saying you’ve mentally automated it by combining it with another activity. Offered as an example of the simplest type of “optimization mindset” that could be construed as automation.
I could be wrong, I don’t have a cat.
You’re correct.
If you like automation and don’t want to rely on the cloud (aka the big data corpos) then you could try our lord and saviour Home Assistant.
🙌 Praise Home Assistant 🙌
I hate automation to the point of being a Ludite. We’re chasing our own tails. Every new luxury becomes a necessity we can’t do without and we become enslaved
Just tell us you’re trolling without trying to convince people that you aren’t.
Seems like everyone from the instance you’re posting from, is just a trolling asshole.
I’m not, it’s just my childhood is so crazy that it seems like a joke. That family suffered so much when they didn’t need to. A relative spent her whole life suffering, and now she died from cancer. The most fun thing she did was play candycrush. That family’s mother is worse than I thought.
But honestly, it’s so validating that I suffered unnecessarily because of her. I’ve had the family and everyone say that I was the problem. I was the reason why I was a filthy kid who only showered with water. I was the reason why I had no lunch for school or juice at home. I was the reason why I’d come to school sick and spread the illness around.
They only saw the price tags on my clothes and assumed I chose those clothes. I never liked brand clothes, and if I had the choice, I’d get unbranded stuff and FUCKING BUY BODY WASH AND LUNCH INSTEAD! Like today! Where I NEVER run out of body wash! And I have something to drink all the time now that childhood is over and I CAN WORK! Fuck childhood. Thanks Amazon!
Because all those nice-to-haves and conveniences in vehicles make it harder and more costly to repair.
Today a classmate showed me the mechanism for the gas door opener her company manufactures (assembles). It’s a bunch of rods, a motor, a control board, springs, cables, etc, that run throughout the vehicle.
The fuel door on my '99 Cherokee?
A hinge and a spring.This is obviously one small example but i feel that this example of over-engineering for very little benefit extrapolates well.
Imagine just not having a vehicle lol imagine spending less than $1000 once and being able to get around oh right that’s horrible we should buy huge metal boxes that require government licenses that cost so much, and fuel that costs oh so much, and complain about not having money. Right, that bitch on a bike is the reason why you have no money, not the fact you spend ten times the amount you accuse young people of spending on Starbucks on an inferior travel method. A developed country is not where the poor have cars, it’s where the rich use public transit.
Wow, you’re miserable. Good chat.
You would flatten a child to wait in a McDonald’s drive thru a minute earlier but I’m miserable on my scooter and bike okay sure Jan. Imagine riding a bike in a park, that’s so horrible, you should ride a fake bike with a video of a park instead. Those TVs should have fake wind as well. And while you’re at it, project a fake window gif onto your wall. Cars ruin cities.
Dude, did you miss a med, or something? There’s unhinged, and then there’s whatever the fuck i just read. A ferret on meth wouldn’t be able to keep up with this line of “reasoning.”
No I grew up neglected by family, abused in an institution, and dehumanized by society until I changed my name 3 years ago. I also hate cars.
A developed country is not where the poor have cars, it’s where the rich use public transit.
Tangentially, this cracker of a quote is from the mayor of Bogotá IIRC. It is very accurate and I’ve often used it too.
It is absolutely not safe to ride a bike in my city. I live in a third world country and the roads are not lit well, and the busses ride in the bike lanes as if they were not there.
In fact, the bike lane on the cities main road through the city put the turning lanes in the bike lanes, so good luck not getting hit by a car from behind.
Honestly in my area cyclists are hated more than Osama bin Laden so I can sort of relate to it being unsafe. I know being in a car would be way worse for my mental health though. Do what’s safe and easiest, and never forget what car companies stole from you. Cars ruined your city, so big companies can get more money. Big companies selling an inferior travel method. Cars are primitive, reliable eco friendly public transit is the future.
Bruh… What
Cars are unnecessary money pits that can be replaced.
When you’re stuck in traffic, think about how that is normalized.
What are you talking about? Do you think convenience is free?
It costs the same amount as overcomplicated lives. And if you’re saving so much money by living on cup noodles and 4 hours of sleep a week, you wouldn’t have much time to use it.
I’ve read the whole threads. I am interested in a brief, short summary of what you have automated. If I’ve read correctly, you hate going to the grocery, so this is automated? How? What else is automated?
I buy all my groceries with Amazon Subscribe and Save. I don’t get a lot of fresh/frozen stuff, and when I do, it’s usually unnecessary things I wanted like ice cream. I’ll gladly ride a scooter to a supermarket for exactly one ice cream quart and nothing else, spending literally 6 minutes including standing on the self checkout line and purchasing.
My light turns off automatically 5 minutes after the time I depart for work, if it’s on at that time.
My fan, heater, and wax warmer are connected to Alexa on my fire TV and phone. The wax warmer is on a smart plug and automatically turns off after 5 hours.
I take out MY trash when leaving for the gym. MY trash is already gathered in one bag, so taking it out and putting in a new bag is just an extra minute. I do this only when leaving for the gym and NOT work, so life is easier. Getting to the gym a minute late is not an issue, getting to the train station a minute late can mean I can’t make it to work. Obviously I don’t leave that late, BUT if I do, I still make it without forgetting to take out trash.
I put my clothes in the washer before getting in the shower, and put it in the dryer before departing for the gym. This way, when I come back from the gym, I can bring my laundry back into my bedroom and hang it up (the most effort). And now I have zero chores to do for the rest of the week, I can work in peace, come home and do nothing (after successfully escaping family who refuses to listen to me)
Sounds like you eat trash. Most of what I buy from the grocery store is fresh or frozen, pretty much everything else is a slow boring flavorless heavy salted death. I haven’t found a service that can automate my grocery shopping to my satisfaction and frankly I wouldn’t want to. My weekly meal planning happens in the vegetable department based on what in season, available locally, looks appetizing, etc.
It also sounds like you live alone, not having to contend with other people’s changing schedules and laundry needs.
You’re automated “easy” life sounds like an empty void. I’m not convinced you’re “living” your life at all, just killing time.
Honestly I eat restaurant food most of the time as I don’t live alone and cooking while living with family is harder than fist fighting a polar bear while having no arms. It’s either trash like taco bell (nothing else is open) or healthier locally owned things/“fancy” places.
When I live alone I’ll use Amazon Fresh for fresh and frozen stuff or probably try a service like Factor.
No one does their laundry, or is awake, between 1 and 6 in the morning I realized. And if I miss that window there is another where no one is at home, but I prefer to be home when They are out. I could do fresh delivery at that time to avoid The Family’s Wrath™ when I get groceries with 30 minutes of using my phone and unload them into my mini fridge in 5 minutes which is So Unfair!!! because they have to spend over 24 hours for the same result.
I’m living as much as I can with family. When I cut ties I’ll live to the fullest. But now, aside from saving and overtime, my goals are launching some shopify side hustles, making some games, going to the gym on my off days, and climbing the amazon corporate ladder while also doing free college through their program. Then I’ll do a lot more hobbies, more than making and playing games lol. I want to get into streaming… games. And more.
The one thing that every human has in common is their ability to complain about anything, an alien race could come and solve every single problem on earth, with every single need want or desire fulfilled and we’d still complain.
We thrive on complaining, we need to complain.
I’d agree with you but your post is way too long! Uuuuugh! I almost burned a whole calorie writing this reply!
I don’t know what you’re referring to. Most people love conveniences and automation. There are extremely few cases i can think of where people choose the hard way instead of the easy way when the results are the same.
Name some specific examples of what you’re talking about
