I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).

These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.

I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I’m wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don’t like bidets, along with why that’s the case.

Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I’ve found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?

My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.

  • Moobythegoldensock@lemm.eeEnglish
    51·
    1 year ago

    I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.

    Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.

    How I Use It

    I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.

    After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.