My wife and I are 31, no kids yet. We moved from a major city back to our home state and are struggling to make friends here.
We keep an eye on meetup postings and Facebook events, stuff like that, no luck. We went to a local board game night and it was all elderly people. Nothing wrong with that but not exactly what we’re looking for.
Where we lived before we attended a church we liked and met people there, but churches in our area are a lot different/more political than we’re used to.
I guess eventually we’ll have kids and meet other parents, but how do we make friends now at this stage in our lives?
Anything where you’re meeting the same people on repeat occasions. It’s pretty rare to form a friendship after only meeting people one or a couple of times. Friendships are often formed gradually. It’s easier growing up because it’s structured into so many things. You see the same people in classes, sports, clubs, etc. Friendships will form naturally in those settings. Try to find something to replicate that. It could be volunteer work, a workshop to learn something new, joining a community that shares a hobby. The key is bumping into the same people over and over
I 100% agree that repeating an activity weekly is important.
I always recommend bowling, because the teams are 4-5 people and it’s a weekly event with alcohol to make everything less awkward. 99.999% don’t care if you suck, and the .001% that does is a Karen.
Thanks. This is really good advice.
That’s all I came here to say
You have to go to things where you regularly see the same people every week or month. This is the only way.
Outside of work, my partner and I made most of our friends through music events. Going to the same kind of events a few times a month and spending time with the same people. We aren’t having kids so it’s been nice to meet other people in their 30s who also don’t have/want kids.
You mentioned trying board games, any interest in TTRPGs like Dungeons and Dragons and the like? The game is basically designed to forge friendships. If you or your partner is willing to learn to be the Dungeon Master, you’ll have no trouble finding players, in fact you may have so many interested individuals you have to do brief interviews lol.
I love D&D and she’s interested in trying it. This could be a good prospect.
Awesome! Let me know if you have any questions about DM’ing. I highly recommend Matt Colville’s Running the Game series. You absolutely don’t have to watch it all. If you watch the first three real episodes (Your first adventure, Your first session, and Running your first dungeon) you’ll be set!
Not seen anyone say this yet, but last year my partner and I were in a similar boat. Bumble (the dating app) has a “BFF” mode for making friends. It’s worked out amazingly for us and we now have a great group.
It can take a bit of persistence, and like dating, some won’t work out. But it’s a great way to meet potential friends, and even in relatively small cities you’ll find some people on there.
joina cult
Or create one.
You have more fun as a follower but make more money as a leader.
I wanted to say this and I was praying that noone beat me to it
As they say if you want to make a million dollars start a religion.
The previous comment was a quote from The office
All our friends are from kink communities lol.
Maybe try attending a volunteer or town social event. A library might have info or postings for things going on. See if there are ways to help set up and/or get involved.
You could always try volunteering for an organization you both like together. I’ve met several friends by doing this, plus it’s fun.
I’m a socialphobe. My therapist told me to attend gyms, basketball and taikwondu classes with people of my age around
Places I have made friends as an adult:
- men’s group
- sports league
- work
In Canada we have something called the Kinsmen Society that is a non-profit, secular service organization. It’s just there for volunteering to help around the community, and there’s events for couples to socialize as part of the planning and volunteer activities. It’s pretty popular in the rural communities. Maybe you’re in Canada, or there’s something similiar for a volunteer program in your area.
It’s kinda age stratified, where at 40 you are more a part of an older cadre of volunteers and advisors, as a younger couple you’d do more of the event organization and service, and the people in that group would be similiar aged.
LOL yeah good luck with that! Short answer: it probably ain’t happening. That’s the hard truth.
There are 5 problems with this question:
Dating and marriage requires a “double coincidence of wants” where both you and your wife want to commit. (This is the whole reason that we stopped bartering because barting requires this for every transaction, and it sucks)
Your problem has a requirement of a quadruple councidence of wants: you, your wife, your friend, and your friend’s partner need to commit. That is 4 problems.
Additionally you are over age 30. Once you pass that age, people are generally of the attitude of “relationship maintenance”. So new friends are considered costly investments that have ongoing costs. (New Friends are neighbors or friends of your children/hobbies)
Here is a joke: why did Julius Caesar get stabbed? Because he thought he could have a friend after age 30.
Here is another joke:what miracle did Jesus perform that cannot be replicated? He made 12 sincere lifelong friends after the age of 30.
Loneliness is a contributor to early death and there are tonnes of products that want you to buy to alieve. Good luck!
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Have kids. Thats how you make friends. But be warned, every year you lose a little energy, and tots take a lot of it.
