The Onion’s first headline needs to be:

“Oh Shit! It’s ALL true!”

Reassemble the MythBusters

Oh no! The Americans will have to say Stop! again.

To be fair, chocolate milk comes from milk.

Milk comes from cows.

Most cows are at least partially brown, many 50% or more brown.

Conversly, albino cows constitute a small portion of the milk supply.

So it is, arguably, a correct statement.

No, not even close. Where did you even get Red Scare from? A soviet era propaganda textbook?

it was a new Pearl Harbor.

you obviously werent around for the flag waving and sticker epidemic that i was refering to.

9/11 was 23 years ago.

The nationalism that arose implanted itself in the children of that era.

Those kids are now in the voting booth.

Most will be too uneducated to comprehend.

They did get Jenkins tho!

Im sorry you were unable to percieve the sarcasm ridiculing the legislation for its shortsightedness.

If only those affected could call for an appointment to swap to those low or no cost phones.

engagement prisons

Need to get Elon’s AI robot to master ju-jit-su and target Zuck.

Before the thumbnail loaded i was worried this was going to be a Halloween horror story.

Duct tape?

Nacho place to judge difficulty.

Hide the Cougar Gold!

If they keep escaping they may have established a cottage industy.

Only legal for educationale, reproductioning, or ownin dem libs. (sic.)

Im glad their marketing department still does drugs. Makes life less boring.

How are they going to write a law that bans social media while allowing online school?

Lightbrite gone growed up.