I once drove drunk. This was long enough ago the statute of limitations has expired. I shouldn’t have done it, I was really lucky that I didn’t hurt someone or get arrested. For the next 15ish years that I still drank, my limit was 1 drink if I was driving.

This was before Uber & Lyft were a thing, but I still could’ve made arrangements with the bar manager “look dude your bartenders kept serving me when I was visibly drunk, so let me leave my car here overnight without towing it so I can take a cab home, and I won’t say shit to anyone.”

I’d always heard if you’re presenting in front of a crowd and rip a fart, say something to the effect of “I was hoping to finish with a bang, not start with one.” But I’m not sure how relevant that is for OP’s situation.

I loved my parents, but once I was on my own I was happy to live a few hours drive away.

Would be interesting to see the methodology on this, or to see how much it has changed since this was published, or to see it broken down at a county level.

I used to want one of these IR blaster things to kill tvs in waiting rooms, but then earbuds got better and cheaper and more generally useful.

Lol. I was on that site for under a month total, before the plague. All it did was get me angry all the time and I miss it like I’d miss a case of the clap.

“What’s the twist?”

“Good luck explaining all this to the IRS without going to prison.”

“…I’m fucked.”

Any idea what show or movie this screenshot is from? Pretty sure that’s Carrie Coon but I don’t recognize the context.

Do people from Toronto also hate Toronto?

Sounds like I’d pass out from the pain if I tried anything like this.

…

I had weird friends in college, which was appropriate since I was (and still am) pretty weird myself. One such friend, who was heavily into body piercing & body modification (talked regularly about wanting to split his tongue) took it upon himself to warp my fragile little mind by showing me unsolicited pictures of sounding. When I recoiled in horror and shut my eyes, he then proceeded to tell me of cock & ball torture enthusiasts who supposedly stick a sounding rod in their urethra and then hit their dicks with a hammer. He was a little too excited when describing this to me, which makes me wonder if he ever tried it himself.

Not sure if stupid is the word I’d use, but we tend not to pick up on subtlety very well.

Paraphrasing from memory a comment I saw in a similar thread on a different site:

• What’s subtle to you is entirely invisible to him
• What’s obvious to you is still mostly invisible to him
• What’s embarrassingly obvious to you is just starting to become subtle and therefore potentially noticeable to him

We don’t have nearly as much practice on picking up subtlety, and many of us are well aware of the potential blowback of perceiving interest and acting on it (“ew gross i’m just being nice you creep”).

We aren’t mind readers. Frankly, if I was a mindreader, I wouldn’t be hanging out on Lemmy. I’d be hanging out in the casino at the poker tables.

Unless there is evidence to the contrary, one should generally assume these things are creative writing exercises.

We have a turkish van cat. He’s very loving and affectionate, and isn’t just the noisiest cat I’ve ever met, he’s noisier than every other cat I’ve ever had combined. My favorite thing is when I walk in the front door, I’ll hear a thud as he jumps down from wherever he was napping, then he sprints toward me while meowing the whole way, and ask for all the pets I can possibly give him. Naturally, I’m happy to oblige him.

I’m a little surprised Turkey came in at only 14%

I stuck my dick in crazy.

Life pro tip: don’t stick your dick in crazy. Just avoid crazy altogether.

In my defense, I was 20, she was the first person I ever had sex with, and I was too horribly depressed to recognize what a bad idea it was.

As someone who has read an absurd amount of fanfiction, I’m willing to bet that this (adults holding the idiot ball) was done on purpose because if the adults aren’t morons then there’s no plot tension for our protagonists to resolve.

The Wire

The Sopranos

Deadwood

Justified

Bosch

If you’re open to comedic stuff:

What We Do In The Shadows

Resident Alien

Miracle Workers

Don’t rawdog a rando

Wearing a rubber every time unless you’re in a committed relationship greatly reduces your chances of an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.

Cheese pizza is probably one way to get yourself banned (at a minimum)

For me, it’s 1a & 1b between Whataburger & In-N-Out. I think if I’d grown up on the west coast instead of where I did, I’d probably prefer In-N-Out. Only other fast food burger that comes close (for me) is Sonic.