“High on a list, you say??? Hire him! If he’s a she, make sure she’s locker-room-talk worthy”

Prisons are awful. Put him under house arrest and then swat him. Say he’s got the manifesto stashed in his pooper.

Nuh-uh! Americans can’t be terrorists cuz Americans kill the terrorist, like Malcolm X and Jamal Khashoggi… Wait, are we the bad guys?

chamber

chamber

^chamber

I don’t mean anything by this comment. I literally just wanted to make an echo. Anyway, fuck Rapey McShitprez

Ah yes, the super-informative anecdotal sample size of…
*checks notes*
… one.

*checks notes again*
Eh, an unreliable source at that

All better! Global democracy is now unfucked, yay!

/s

Fantastic username, Ace

Stop it!

Okay, now do it some more…

Oh wow! 60 whole days of fees that no one will pay?? My cup runeth over

They were demonstrating how they are human scum

Republicans are really good at this thing called “collusion”

“Oh my God, what on Earth is that??? I accidentally dropped a dollar that I took from you! Better burn it before it accidentally helps somebody…”

What do you think the chances are that they kill social security’s payout mechanism without dismantling the process of collecting it and then treat their thievery like pennies from heaven?

I fucking love you. Thanks for giving me a nice laugh before turning in for the night.

About fucking time. What’s the point in having friends if you can’t drunkenly jump from their moving car in the middle of Death Valley during a heatwave? YOLO!

Edit: Apparently the ridiculous scenario and “YOLO” weren’t enough to indicate that this was sarcasm…

Piss trickling down on us would be an improvement

“Sure, I knew that voting for Trump meant more and worse genocides including on American soil, but I expected it from him. Seeing a genocide under Kamala Harris’s tenure as not-president made me worry she wouldn’t actually help once she became president. And then I’d be disappointed. Why would I want to possibly be disappointed when I can instead experience horrors that meet expectations?”

- Probably a couple million people who shot their foot with their own cut-off nose as ammunition

"Sorry I missed the meeting that should have been an email, the military fucked up my alarms. Anyway, just send me an email with the tldr. "

Do it. I fucking dare you. It’ll be fun to watch a media powerhouse and a douche meth lab burn each other down.

What a ridiculous lawsuit. The tenant should get $200 million and get to pull the rope that releases the landlord’s guillotine. Also, should get to flick the match that burns down the apartment complex.

I don’t fuck around with roaches.

At least you’ll never have to deal with frame realignment after a crash