Yes, this is a real Am I The Asshole, not one where the answer is super obvious and the user is just looking to have their ego stroked.
My SO has BDD and genuinely thinks they look ugly naked. I think they’re 1000% incorrect and that they’re the sexiest human alive, and I would die happy if I could see them naked all the time.
I was diagnosed with a condition called Cone Rod Dystrophy which basically means I’ll lose color vision, then all vision. The timeline is anywhere from next week to 50 years from now.
I want to see them naked every chance I can get so I can cement it in my head before I go blind, but I feel gross for posing that as a reason to let me see them naked.
Like, in the 10 years we’ve been together I’ve never even asked them for a hand job if they didn’t feel up to sex because I didn’t want to seem like a callous asshole, so this would be a big ask from me.
To add in complications, they’re also on the spectrum. Not a criticism since I’m most likely on it too.
So I assume you are in a relationship where you can openly talk about your needs and wishes. And in this case asking them would be okay in my book. Depending on your communication it may help to give them some context. I guess your desire to burn their image in your head comes (partially) from the fear of forgetting. I’d also try to think of a way to achieve this without your SO just having to stand there, naked, vulnerable and being started at. How could you make this as comfortable as possible, maybe even fun for both of you?
BUT it has to be clear to your SO that they can say no and that you won’t be upset about it. You know your SO best, so I hope your are able to bring this point across.
Your current situation is a conflict of interest. You want to cement that body of your SO into your brain and they likely feel unbelievably uncomfortable with the mere thought of it. Both of you have valid points from your own point of view. My spouse is a very visual person, I have a lot of issues, also related to my body. Sometimes he’s taking a few photos so he can stare at them instead. Maybe there are also potential compromises / walk arounds you can find.
I really appreciate your answer
But the fact that I’ve never pushed anything is actually part of the issue. I’ve been happy to let my SO go at their own pace, but by their own admission it’s why I don’t get the sexual gratification I’d enjoy. Like, when we first started dating they were the ones pushing me to engage in penetrative sex while I wanted to hold off.
Although that backfired on me because my penis doesn’t work.
I also identify as demi, and In day to day life when stuff needs to get done sex just never occurs to me. I think when your partner says ask, they genuinely mean it. It’s possible for a demi or ace to just forget sex exists entirely for a while.
I also have been in the position where when my partner asked I felt pressured. Maybe talk about making space for intimacy, and designate a time where you focus your attentions solely on each other. Time where you can sit together and cuddle and talk, not putting any pressure or expectations on having sex but instead enjoying each other’s company. Physical touch should be a part of it, but also be genuinely ok with that whether it escalates or not.
Recreate that “date night” feeling, just at home in any hour or half-hour window of time you might have, as long as you can put life aside for a little.
Asking once is not pushing. I have C-PTSD and because to that issues with self worth and fears of abandonment. I still get that my spouse and I need to communicate our needs and thoughts. So I get that it’s hard and I know that these conversations can be painful. It’s still totally possible and necessary to talk about this but the amount of excuses you come up with in this thread make it seem like the issue is more on your than on your SOs side since you seem to have hell of a problem to communicate your needs without feeling bad for it (no offense intended, the struggle is real!).
Having needs is normal, that they sometimes conflict with the comfort zone with your SO is also normal. If you feel like you can’t talk to them, write a letter, let them read it in peace and answer you in their preferred way.