Background+rant: I’m in my early to mid-20s and still living at home with my dad. I’m not a NEET and am employed at a normal office job. I enjoy the comfort of my home. I like being with family (and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer). I like not having to pay rent. However, I also keep feeling some nagging pressure to “grow up and leave the nest”.
Everything in my mind tells me that moving out is irrational. I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent, go through a bunch of logistical hoops to find a new place, lose the last few moments I have with my family, just so I can prove to nobody that I’m independent, maybe discover new things, and also probably get in on some of that loneliness action that the rest of my generation is going through.
Yet, the pressure is still there. No one looks down on me for it, but I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I’m living at home, like I’m admitting failure or incompetency. My friends will occasionally ask when I’m planning on moving out and the question just lingers longer than it should in my head. I compare myself to my parents and grandparents and can’t help but feel like a child compared to the people they were when they were at my age.
Obviously quite conflicted on this, so I’m interested in seeing what others have to say.
We do all the rounds together since it’s easier. My dad does handle most things which I guess may contribute to some of my independence worrying…
I moved out when I was 18, so cant give you lived experience. But in my opinion I don’t think there’s an age you need to move out, but there’s definitely an age where I think you need to be equally contributing.
Financially I think it’s important to contribute to utility cost. If your dad rents I think it’s only fair you pay your fair share there too. If he owns then potentially a smaller monetary value as hell retain the asset. Domestically I think it’s important you not only contribute, but also lead some domestic chores.
It’s reasonable to expect your dad to do the lion’s share when you were growing up, now you’re an adult I think it’s only fair to lift some of that burden from him.
I agree with this. Any time you live with someone, domestic burdens need to be shared as much as possible. This isn’t always 50/50 because of hours worked/ability etc. However so long as everyone involved thinks it’s fair then it should work. My parents were very happy to house and feed us when we were in full time education, because that’s what they wanted us to focus on. When we got jobs they started charging rent.
Just asking, what did you do to move out at 18? Like, what job did you get to gather enough money? I guess you were still in school at that time which complicates things.
I moved to England a week after I finished my last exam. I stayed with my brother for a few months then moved to an apartment above my work. I was making £4.50 an hour and working huge hours. I ate once a day which was rice with a can of soup mixed in. I wasn’t living the high life, but it was good times.
Edit: I lived a very tight life for a long time . I’ve since gone and studied then progressed quite well in my career. I live in the regions now, and rent is around $900 USD a month which is fairly achievable in our area
My biggest concern with someone who doesn’t get a stage of living alone/with roommates you’re not dating is their ability to cook/clean well. If I were you, I’d make sure I was capable of doing all the jobs and taking over at least enough to pull my own weight, though if your parents don’t want financial compensation, extra chores would be nice