I usually whisper, “I’ll flip every table in this joint if you don’t take my card, including the one with that child at it”, and while it has a 100% success rate, I can’t help but feel terrible about it, later. What are some alternatives?
…what?
I don’t understand the question. Why would the waiter not take your card? I’m pretty sure they want to get paid?
It’s a “poor waiter” because he is being forced to choose between two people who are both holding up their card trying to pay the bill.
Still doesn’t make sense to me.
Why would you not just get your own bill? Like unless you specifically invited your old friend to dinner, why would you pay for his meal? And if you did explicitly invite them, then it would have been clear who would pay.
Is it an America thing?
It’s a thing in America and also in many other cultures. People, often men, gain status by paying for others. Then when there’s two men they like to battle with each other over who’s paying.
It’s similar to that thing with gift giving where you have to offer and refuse three times before a gift can be successfully transferred.
Ok. But even with all that information, why is it then left up to the waiter to settle this? And wouldn’t it just be more effective to promise a good tip instead of threating them?
Because the waiter is the other side of the equation. He holds the power to choose.
What do you mean take your card? Why wouldn’t they take your card?
They could take the other guy’s. The problem is that both are insisting to pay.
Why would they do that? It seems unreasonable that they need to use some tactic.
I don’t, we split it or I pay or I concede gracefully.
If someone is my friend, I’m not going to engage in weird power-plays.
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My ex loved to bring up the fact that she paid on our first date, that it was super expensive, and that any time she offered to pay afterwards that I never fought her on it. Like… You made it a point to force that waiter to take your card after I offered to pay and made a huge scene about it. What I learned there is that if you say you want to pay I should just let you. I’m not gonna make a big scene about it and try to make myself look better to everyone else just because “the man is supposed to pay.”
Thank you for the mean, but I’m not going to feel guilty if you insist on paying. If you feel that way when I pay, that’s a you problem.
If this is a game you really want to play then just keep raising your voice while insisting. Your voice can always go louder. I learned this from my blind grandmother who absolutely always paid.
But what if two people follow this advice?
In practice, the crazy one that continues to escalate wins. I’ve never seen it happen with two crazies.
This reminds me of my dad and grandfather having good natured arguments about who was going to pay. It would last a good 5-10 minutes, with one of them ‘winning’. It was all in good fun, and the wait staff usually had a blast watching.
In reality, they alternated who would pay, and did this mostly for fun.
You should feel terrible. They’re just trying to do their job while you’re making it awkward at best. This was always one of the most annoying things to deal with.
-Just put your card on the menu when you hand it to the waiter after ordering.
-when you use the washroom, find the waiter and give them your card.
-Talk to your friend before the check comes. Offer to pay, if no then go 50/50 or separate checks. They probably feel as awkward as you would if they paid.
I’ll tell the waiter that my friend is an international counterfeiter and they should accept nothing from them
I get up to go to the bathroom, find the waiter, and take care of it then.
I did this once only to have our friends get furious at the waiteress because they had intended on paying. We were in from out of town and they wanted to treat us. It was awkward… I felt really bad for waitress
I feel I am too european to understand this; We pay before eating.
You order everything up front and pay up front? What if you decide you’re having a good time and you want to add on another drink?
Where in Europe is this? I’ve never paid before eating at a restaurant anywhere I’ve traveled in Europe. You pay at the end when the bill comes except at places where you order at a counter, same as the US.
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I’ve lived in multiple European countries, and visited and dined in many more. Never once paid before a meal. Where in Europe are you from?
Here in Aotearoa it depends where you are eating.
Cafe where you order at the counter = pay first.
Restaurant where someone comes to your table to take your order = pay later.
That’s how it is everywhere.
Europe must be in a bad neighborhood
I bet all the silverware is chained down, too.
In America, paying before eating usually means the restaurant expects you to dine and dash. Basically, you’re being treated like a criminal.
You usually only see it in fast food (where the pay before eating is mainly to prioritize efficiency) or in really shitty “we probably shouldn’t have stopped here for food” neighborhoods.
Years ago i was arguing with a friend’s boyfriend about paying. He said, “offer twice, then be gracious and say thank you.” That’s what i do now.
That’s a good rule of thumb for a lot of things. Don’t drag it out. You’re both in the clear on both sides of the coin when you do this naturally.
It’s just as rude not to accept a gift with grace as it is not to offer to help.
You just insult someone when you refuse what they’re happy to give.
Same here. “I’ll start flipping every fucking table in this place unless you let me pay.”
If not that, I loudly proclaim that I have to go take a big, creamy shit, and then I simply go find the waiter to pay.
Get up and go to the bathroom before the bill comes, but after everything has been ordered. On the way, away from the table and your friend, give the waiter your card and ask them to run the bill.
I have an old friend who does this, and while I know it’s with good intentions, I can’t help but feel blindsided. I’d prefer he said “it’s on me”, so at least I have the choice to treat him too.
Important detail: who chose the restaurant? Your choice, your cheque.
What my uncle did was get up to “go to the washroom” and paid.
