I tried dating subreddits before. Results were not good.
The problem is that online dating is a miserable experience from a heterosexual perspective. I cannot really speak for the LGBTQ experience but I do have a lesbian friend who has pretty much been undateable.
On every dating/hook-up subreddit every single “M4F” post gets mass-downvoted and practically hidden from view, while every “F4M” post is swarmed with desperate and thirsty guys whose comments can be summed up in just five words: “PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME.” You see the same shit on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, Okcupid, POF and every other dating app.
Women can easily swipe right on any guy and 99,999 times out of 100,000 match with them, meet up with them and bang them in less than two hours if they wanted to. Men on the other hand get zero matches unless you look like a fucking Chippendale, are over 6ft, have a big dick, have a nice bank account and a decent job.
The internet has turned us hypergamous, and we wonder why the incel community is growing at an alarming rate…
y’know, i really thought lemmy would be better than this but i guess it is just fucking reddit all over again.
this stupid “men have to be chad thundercock or die alone!!!1111 it’s so easy for women waahhhhh” shit is just a divisive incel talking point with no basis in reality. you literally just pulled numbers out of your ass too. the incel community is growing at an alarming rate because of all the talking heads on social media who purport this trash and people like you who mindlessly repeat it.
He is talking specifically about online dating, where judging by superficial looks is the whole goal and populations that are in it for the hookups are heavily male skewed and always will be. If you think that’s your only option then yes- it really is “so easy for women” and “men have it so hard”. That entire ecosystem is an absolute cesspit and always has been.
If you date the “normal” way- aka, making friends and connections face to face, things haven’t really changed significantly and your chances are good if you just stay clean and personable. You just have to put actual effort into being a social human being, which is where the internet drags far too many of these kids off track.
Exactly. You need to check all the boxes online before women will take the risk. To be clear, online dating is shit for them too. A lot of those matches, are people you wouldn’t want to match with once you get to know them.
Off-line? Entirely different. Join a club, get to know people, they see you’re probably not going to kidnap them or that you have a nice personality and even the ugliest guy stands a chance of dating very nice women.
I really hate the fact that ‘incel’ has become this catch-all insult for a low value man, and frankly find it offensive that you are comparing me to the kind of people that glorify and worship school shooters. These people shouldn’t be the reason to outright dismiss male woes with online dating, especially when a lot of online dating sites have zero interest in helping you find love and just want to make your experience as miserable as possible so that they can sucker you into paying triple the price of a WoW subscription to see what fake users ‘liked’ your profile.
I do not associate myself with the manosphere because these communities are toxic-a-f. At the same time I find it greatly concerning that they are growing in prominence (just look at Andrew Tate’s social media following) and think there’s loads of factors at play. Big tech has a lot to answer for.
Also, no basis in reality? There is an evolutionary basis to explain this. Humanity had evolved over millions of years to find certain traits attractive in a mate. For men, being physically strong, healthy, having status in a tribe and being able to provide for a family would have been strong factors in ensuring the survival of the next generation back when we were still foraging and hunting. We had only shed our status as a hunter-gatherer species hundreds, if not thousands of years ago. Is it outlandish to conclude that our human biology has not caught up to the millennia of societal and technological change that we’ve made as a species?
If you use the same talking points and terminology (“low-value man” lol) as they do, then I have every reason to draw comparison. The problem lies with the fact that y’all insist on framing this as exclusively a men’s issue, and that women are somehow to blame for having unrealistically high standards that you make up and project onto them.
Indeed, there is no basis in reality that women have it easier. You can speculate that it’s a product of evolution but that at best only points to surface-level differences, while the overall negative experience that has come about from the commodification of dating affects both sexes.
Edit: Also, let’s say that it is men who are disproportionately affected, I find it interesting that the first reason you go to are all the things that men are commonly insecure about (height, penis size, etc.) despite those things not being the focus of the sources you provided later.
This is the main reason why I compared your post to incel talking points. Their whole tactic is playing off of the insecurities of men, making them feel bad about themselves, and framing it as the opinions of women despite no input from actual women being present. Which, unfortunately, is exactly what you were doing with your initial post, whether you’re aware of it or not.
I tried dating subreddits before. Results were not good.
The problem is that online dating is a miserable experience from a heterosexual perspective. I cannot really speak for the LGBTQ experience but I do have a lesbian friend who has pretty much been undateable.
On every dating/hook-up subreddit every single “M4F” post gets mass-downvoted and practically hidden from view, while every “F4M” post is swarmed with desperate and thirsty guys whose comments can be summed up in just five words: “PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME.” You see the same shit on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, Okcupid, POF and every other dating app.
Women can easily swipe right on any guy and 99,999 times out of 100,000 match with them, meet up with them and bang them in less than two hours if they wanted to. Men on the other hand get zero matches unless you look like a fucking Chippendale, are over 6ft, have a big dick, have a nice bank account and a decent job.
The internet has turned us hypergamous, and we wonder why the incel community is growing at an alarming rate…
y’know, i really thought lemmy would be better than this but i guess it is just fucking reddit all over again.
this stupid “men have to be chad thundercock or die alone!!!1111 it’s so easy for women waahhhhh” shit is just a divisive incel talking point with no basis in reality. you literally just pulled numbers out of your ass too. the incel community is growing at an alarming rate because of all the talking heads on social media who purport this trash and people like you who mindlessly repeat it.
He is talking specifically about online dating, where judging by superficial looks is the whole goal and populations that are in it for the hookups are heavily male skewed and always will be. If you think that’s your only option then yes- it really is “so easy for women” and “men have it so hard”. That entire ecosystem is an absolute cesspit and always has been.
If you date the “normal” way- aka, making friends and connections face to face, things haven’t really changed significantly and your chances are good if you just stay clean and personable. You just have to put actual effort into being a social human being, which is where the internet drags far too many of these kids off track.
Exactly. You need to check all the boxes online before women will take the risk. To be clear, online dating is shit for them too. A lot of those matches, are people you wouldn’t want to match with once you get to know them.
Off-line? Entirely different. Join a club, get to know people, they see you’re probably not going to kidnap them or that you have a nice personality and even the ugliest guy stands a chance of dating very nice women.
I really hate the fact that ‘incel’ has become this catch-all insult for a low value man, and frankly find it offensive that you are comparing me to the kind of people that glorify and worship school shooters. These people shouldn’t be the reason to outright dismiss male woes with online dating, especially when a lot of online dating sites have zero interest in helping you find love and just want to make your experience as miserable as possible so that they can sucker you into paying triple the price of a WoW subscription to see what fake users ‘liked’ your profile.
I do not associate myself with the manosphere because these communities are toxic-a-f. At the same time I find it greatly concerning that they are growing in prominence (just look at Andrew Tate’s social media following) and think there’s loads of factors at play. Big tech has a lot to answer for.
Male virginity has more than trebled in the United States from 8% of men aged 18 - 30 reporting no sexual partners in 2008 to 27% in 2018. That is an alarming statistic.
But wait that’s one source, I hear you say. Here is an archived post from the Okcupid blog which was taken down after Match got their money-grubbing paws on the site, which showed trends of how badly male users were ranked. Of course Match Group had to remove that from their blog because they have to keep up the illusion that it’s worth paying a £37/month subscrption.
Also, no basis in reality? There is an evolutionary basis to explain this. Humanity had evolved over millions of years to find certain traits attractive in a mate. For men, being physically strong, healthy, having status in a tribe and being able to provide for a family would have been strong factors in ensuring the survival of the next generation back when we were still foraging and hunting. We had only shed our status as a hunter-gatherer species hundreds, if not thousands of years ago. Is it outlandish to conclude that our human biology has not caught up to the millennia of societal and technological change that we’ve made as a species?
If you use the same talking points and terminology (“low-value man” lol) as they do, then I have every reason to draw comparison. The problem lies with the fact that y’all insist on framing this as exclusively a men’s issue, and that women are somehow to blame for having unrealistically high standards that you make up and project onto them.
Since we’re cherry-picking surveys, here are some for you: https://www.salon.com/2022/11/06/why-are-so-many-young-people-are-having-less-and-fewer-friendships/ https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/
Indeed, there is no basis in reality that women have it easier. You can speculate that it’s a product of evolution but that at best only points to surface-level differences, while the overall negative experience that has come about from the commodification of dating affects both sexes.
Edit: Also, let’s say that it is men who are disproportionately affected, I find it interesting that the first reason you go to are all the things that men are commonly insecure about (height, penis size, etc.) despite those things not being the focus of the sources you provided later.
This is the main reason why I compared your post to incel talking points. Their whole tactic is playing off of the insecurities of men, making them feel bad about themselves, and framing it as the opinions of women despite no input from actual women being present. Which, unfortunately, is exactly what you were doing with your initial post, whether you’re aware of it or not.
Source: https://datingzest.com/tinder-statistics/
Online dating is a bad bet for men because the odds are against them.