Will my potential kids be sharing the work equally? Definitely. I always got into so much trouble for asking why I had to do housework and my brother didn’t.
I hadn’t realised quite how different the female upbringing experience was to the male one until I talked about it with my partner. Quite different it turns out. We’re both about 40, and from Ireland, and she was absolutely expected to do shit like this when the men weren’t.
Event today some of her siblings families are heavily heavily sexist.
No kidding. The enforcement is often kind of brutal too. As a couple the house not being clean creates a pervasive sense of judgement that falls on the feminine half of a couple. It doesn’t matter if they are a killer breadwinner with an amazing career and winning at life the messaging and conditioning from childhood and enforced by older friends and relatives is still that they are at their core a failure if their house doesn’t meet regulation. That judgement is not extended to the masculine partner because he’s kind of expected to be a hapless subordinate who maybe helps but is not responsible for it. That old “sorry about the state of the place” is practically just begging for social leniency from deeply ingrained shame.
If your fem partner is neurotic about cleanliness that’s basically why. They are made to feel horrible about themselves when company comes calling.
This is so real, I swear to god. I joke about how neurotic I am about housework, and my house is always pristine, but still my worst nightmare is someone stopping by unexpectedly. My house can be spick and span and I’ll still apologize for the state of it.
I didn’t understand her fixation on these kind of expectations until I really got to know her family and discovered more about her upbringing. I didn’t see it initially and if I’m honest, didn’t really believe it, but slowly I came round to understanding. If the shoe was on the other foot I’d push back a lot too.
It’s not just family and upbringing it’s kind of enforced by basically everyone a little bit. House is a mess - oh (fem partner) must be struggling poor dear. The state of the house just sits in a corner of their mind all day everyday like a weight dragging them down like the telltale heart.
Once you see the effect of it you can’t really unsee it.
Not in my family. Us women were expected to be the cooks, cleaners, everything. Every family get-together the men would just sit and talk and the boys would go out to play, and the older women would do the cooking, then come make the girls do the dishes.
My sister and I finally called them out on it, and to their credit they did try and make the boys help with the clean-up… although they never did that great of a job, because they’d never been taught how.
Do people not normally involve their kids in this sort of thing equally?
Growing up, no.
Will my potential kids be sharing the work equally? Definitely. I always got into so much trouble for asking why I had to do housework and my brother didn’t.
I hadn’t realised quite how different the female upbringing experience was to the male one until I talked about it with my partner. Quite different it turns out. We’re both about 40, and from Ireland, and she was absolutely expected to do shit like this when the men weren’t.
Event today some of her siblings families are heavily heavily sexist.
No kidding. The enforcement is often kind of brutal too. As a couple the house not being clean creates a pervasive sense of judgement that falls on the feminine half of a couple. It doesn’t matter if they are a killer breadwinner with an amazing career and winning at life the messaging and conditioning from childhood and enforced by older friends and relatives is still that they are at their core a failure if their house doesn’t meet regulation. That judgement is not extended to the masculine partner because he’s kind of expected to be a hapless subordinate who maybe helps but is not responsible for it. That old “sorry about the state of the place” is practically just begging for social leniency from deeply ingrained shame.
If your fem partner is neurotic about cleanliness that’s basically why. They are made to feel horrible about themselves when company comes calling.
This is so real, I swear to god. I joke about how neurotic I am about housework, and my house is always pristine, but still my worst nightmare is someone stopping by unexpectedly. My house can be spick and span and I’ll still apologize for the state of it.
I didn’t understand her fixation on these kind of expectations until I really got to know her family and discovered more about her upbringing. I didn’t see it initially and if I’m honest, didn’t really believe it, but slowly I came round to understanding. If the shoe was on the other foot I’d push back a lot too.
It’s not just family and upbringing it’s kind of enforced by basically everyone a little bit. House is a mess - oh (fem partner) must be struggling poor dear. The state of the house just sits in a corner of their mind all day everyday like a weight dragging them down like the telltale heart.
Once you see the effect of it you can’t really unsee it.
Not in my family. Us women were expected to be the cooks, cleaners, everything. Every family get-together the men would just sit and talk and the boys would go out to play, and the older women would do the cooking, then come make the girls do the dishes.
My sister and I finally called them out on it, and to their credit they did try and make the boys help with the clean-up… although they never did that great of a job, because they’d never been taught how.
https://flashbak.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/battleship.jpg
And how old is that?
My mom involved my brother. I took the opportunity to play video games all day.